I’ve been on a nostalgia kick lately so I’ve been scouring my various hard drives finding music that I’d forgotten I had. Here’s are a few things I’ve come across.

This first thing is probably the most bizarre piece of music I’ve ever written. It was the very first demo I did for Christopher Gustave’s Six Comforts project. When Chris asked me to write some music for this thing I had an idea that we were going to do some super-over-the-top-just-how-weird-can-we-make-it sort of thing. Chris was not as amused with this piece as I was. After that I got a little better grip of the direction he had in mind. The quality of this recording is pretty lousy but it makes me laugh every time I hear it. It gets a tad repetitive in the middle but it’s only 2 minutes long so stick with it, the end is worth the wait. Any fans of Dr. Demento will appreciate what I was going for here.

Click here to download

This second piece actually ended up on the Six Comforts album as background music for a thing Chris and I put together called “Pardon My French”…I think. This makes me laugh too. I love this song. Again – a bit repetitive but it needed to be that way for our purpose.

Click here to download

The third mp3 is a compilation of the cover songs we did at The Drew Johnson Band CD release party. I forgot that we did so many. Each song is edited down to keep this thing from being a half hour long. I gotta say my guitar tone was totally killer that night. It makes me wish I had my Matchless back. This is just a recording straight from the sound board so it doesn’t sound that great and you can’t hear Steve hardly at all but it’s still worth a listen. I’m probably breaking some kind of law by posting these songs. Hope not.

The song list is:

War Pigs (Black Sabbath)
MLK – instrumental (U2)
Spanish Castle Magic (Jimi Hendrix)
Funk 49 (James Gang)
Helter Skelter (The Beatles)

Click here to download

The last thing is a video of The Drew Johnson Band playing some more cover tunes at practice. I have no idea what I intended to do with this other than maybe to see exactly how fat I look playing other people’s songs. Once again these songs have been edited for length. The first few seconds of this are Dino showing off his guitar chops to Steve.

Songs list:

I’m Going Home (Marvin Gaye)
Jumping Jack Flash (The Rolling Stones)
Hey Bulldog (The Beatles)
Crosstown Traffic (Jimi Hendrix)

Click here to download

I’m going to make this extremely long story as short as I can. The last two weeks have been pure poo cakes. My wife has started referring to me as Job.

After you read this please do me the honor of sparing me the “Here’s what you should have done” or “Man you got f****d” statements. I know. Trust me…I know.

Tuesday, April 25th

-My computer dies in a buzzing and sputtering fit.
-I email Rich (roving computer expert) explaining the symptoms. I think it’s the motherboard. Rich agrees.

Wednesday, April 26th

-I get a second opinion from Dino (resident computer expert) at band practice. He agrees that it’s the motherboard.

Thursday, April 27th

—A little info here. Replacing a mobo with the exact same mobo is an easy and painless process. Replacing a mobo with a different mobo requires more computer knowledge than I happen to have. When I built this PC I got the mobo in a package deal with the computer tower and power supply. The only way to insure that I get the exact same mobo is to order the same package deal. I don’t really need the case and the power supply but I figure the extra $45 or $50 is worth it knowing that I’m getting exactly what I had before. From here on out just remember that the countless bytes of data on my computer are not replaceable. My life’s work lives on my two hard drives. Data loss is not a option. Yes, some of it is backed up. No, not all of it.—

- Order a new mobo from ZipZoomFly. Pay an extra $40 to have it shipped overnight.

Friday, April 28th

- Rush home to rebuild my PC.
- Find no package.
- Hope FedEx is running late.

—Later that night—

- Receive an email message saying that my order has not been shipped. I need to call them to verify my credit card number.
- Be angry.
- Call ZipZoomFly.
- They’re closed for the day.
- Repeat step two.

Saturday, April 29th

- Call ZipZoomFly again.
- They’re closed…for the weekend.
- Leave a message asking them to call me first thing Monday morning.

Monday, May 1st

- Call ZipZoomFly. Answering machine again.
- Leave a more desperate message requesting a returned call.

Tuesday, May 2nd

- Repeat yesterday’s steps with an even more desperate message and a little begging.
- Recieve an email 12 hours later confirming that my order has been shipped.
- Minor celebration.

Wednesday, May 3rd

- Rush home and find my package on the front porch.
- Feel a great sense of relief.
- This should take me about an hour to fix.
- Disassemble the dead PC.
- This new mobo doesn’t look like the old one.
- Insert the CPU and realize that the new CPU slot is the wrong type.
- Throw things.
- Try not to cry.
- Reassemble the dead PC and reluctantly decide to take the thing to Computer Rapeissance.
- Half hour drive to Computer Rapeissance.
- “Do you have an appointment”?
- No.
- “We have an opening on Saturday. Would you like to leave it until then”?
- Whatever.

—Sub Plot—

- Arrive at home.
- Receive an email from our web host saying that our site is being shut down for lack of payment.
- What!?!? I never received any warning.
- Put in on the Visa.
- Be angry.
- Email ZipZoomFly requesting a return authorization code. Learn that shipping costs are not refundable. Learn that there’s a 15% re-stocking fee.
- Be angry.

Friday, May 5th

—Sub Plot—

- That afternoon I had a doctor appointment. My ongoing mucus problem is not getting much better. I am referred to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor. That appointment will be Monday. The doctor also realizes that my blood pressure is very high. Imagine that. We get into a whole conversation about my family’s health history. It’s not good. My dad had multiple bypass surgery when he was way too young to have multiple bypass surgery. I will also need to have my cholesterol checked on Monday.

- Gig at Cicero’s that night. Arrive at 6:30 for load in. Learn that we can’t load in until 8:00. Learn that I didn’t know this because I didn’t check my formulakid email because my computer is down.
-Be angry.

Saturday, May 6th

- No call from Computer Rapeissance.

Sunday, May 7th

- No call from Computer Rapeissance.
- Call Computer Rapeissance.
- “Yeah man I was about to call you. We had some guys call off this weekend. They’ll probably get to it on Monday”.
- Be angry.

Monday, May 8th (About 6:00PM. Computer Rapeissance closes at 7:00)

- “Hey man. It’s Ben from Computer Rapeissance. Your motherboard is fried.”
- No Doy!?!
- “The new mobo is about $70. Labor will be about $127. I’ll need your Windows XP disc and the product code to do a repair installation. As soon as you can run that up here (half hour drive) we can get it done.”
- That’s gonna be a big, big, big problem. My Windows CD is a copy that was given to me by a friend. I am informed that Computer Rapeissance cannot legally repair my computer without a legit copy of Windows.

—Sub Plot—

- I go to the ENT doctor. He wants to do a CT Scan on my sinuses in ten days. He doesn’t know what the problem is.
- Have blood drawn for cholesterol test.

Tuesday, May 9th

- Talk to Ben and tell him that I’ll go ahead and buy a new copy of Windows XP Pro from them. It’s twice the price that I would pay online. It’s $200.
- Be angry.
- Ben says he’ll probably have it done this afternoon.
- He doesn’t.

—Sub Plot—

-I receive an extremely scathing email to my MySpace account. It’s a review of our show at Cicero’s. Here’s a small sample. (This is copied and pasted. The spelling is not mine)

” the dums were low in the mix. the bass hey boards were lost in the mush of loudness and had no good distinction.
your guitar was distorted into a sonic mush of piercing high tones.
your vocal was a sota drown out and ground under all this noise.
noise was the overarching effect of the sound in the room. a high pitched squlchy sound. all the instruments combining together in their state of being over driven into the room PA and there by distoted became an ear bleeding sonic attack. ”

Present day, May 10th

- It’s done.
- The total at Computer Rapeissance? $408.
- As I’m paying for the repairs my phone rings. It’s the doctor’s office.
- As soon as I get in the car I call them back. They have the results of my cholesterol test. The girl looks at my chart and (I am not kidding) her first word was “Wow”! My cholesterol and triglycerides and all that other stuff are off the charts. I’m put on a low cholesterol diet.
- On my way home I stop at the UPS store to ship my stuff back to ZipZoomFly. It costs $20.

Thanks to everyone who came out to the show last night. The crowd was great. Eero was great. Donny and The Feelgoods were great. But most importantly we were great. We really appreciated everyone sticking it out so late. There were more people there at the end of our set than at the beginning. That NEVER happens. People usually run screaming for the exits as soon as we start playing.

Thanks also to everyone who expressed concern for my computer and my mental stability. I’ll tell that story as soon as I get the puter back from the shop and after I see the bill…and after I decide if it’s a story I can look back on and laugh.

Since the blog has been so silent lately I’ll catch you up on some (or at least one) of the goings-on over the last couple of weeks. Last weekend Angel and I did some ghost hunting with our friends Brian McClelland and his wife Kim at The Lemp Mansion. The Lemp Mansion is reportedly one of the most haunted places in America. This is the third time Angel and I have spent the night there. The first time was with The Drew Johnson Band, Christopher Gustave, and the various wives and girlfriends. We were celebrating the completion of Invention of the Wheel. That evening is a blog posting in and of itself. If I can find the pictures maybe I’ll do that soon.

The second time we stayed there was with our friends Eryn and Rich. That was about a year ago and shortly before my knee surgery so I had an ample supply of Vicadin. My memory of that night is still rather blurry due to my eating of pain killers being very poorly timed. I do however remember Rich looking rather dashing dressed (or undressed as it were) as a sumo wrestler.

So that brings me to our third and most recent stay at the Lemp. This stay was similar to our previous stays in that we experienced absolutely zero ghostly activity. But then Angel got an email from Kim saying that they looked at their pictures the next morning and saw all kinds of orbs in them. So naturally we took a close look at our pictures and, blow me down, we gots ‘em too. So everyone just go ahead and get the eye-rolling over with now and let me know when you’re ready to move on.

Feel better?

Good.

I don’t really believe in ghosts either but it sure makes for a fun evening. So here are some of the pictures.

In this first picture you can see some sort of energy (< ---joke...it's just some blurry somethinorother) over the radiator.

This one is of the same thing without the somethinorother. Yes I know the first pic is blurry. Yes we’re kinda reaching here. Yes you can shut up now. Just play along. The room was expensive.

In this next one there are two small orbs. One is in front of Brian’s mouth and the other is in front of his penis. I know they’re small. They get bigger. Then in the mirror there is something that looks like a white string or rope. The part of the wall that the mirror is reflecting has nothing hanging there.

This next one shows a huge orb all hugged up to Brian’s nip. And the mirror has the same string thing in it.

If you look very closely at this next one you can see the ghost of Brian’s past right next to Kim. Coincidence? We think he might be trying to contact her. Decide for yourself.

Yet another appearance by Brian’s ghost. Angel says the ball in the middle is an orb. I think it’s just a reflection in the lense. Either way the McClelland ghost is undeniable.

The rest are just some random pictures from the night.

This last one is of the same mirror without the string of death. Yes I know the angle is different. Work with me here.

Angel and I celebrated our 8th anniversary on May 2nd. A big thanks goes out to Riley for celebrating with us, and to the staff at Arby’s for the extra mayo.

We went to Blockbuster tonight to rent Brokeback Mounatin. I half expected them not to even carry it here in Granite City. Making a movie about “fuckin’ fags” available to Granitians is pointless. We’re still pissed about all the “goddam niggers” and now you want us to suck dick too?!? Between beatin’ my old lady and screamin’ at my kids I’ve barely got time to watch WWE much less a queer-ass-western. The day I watch a movie about pole smokers will be the day I vote for a Commie-Democrat. I’ll just download it from the Innerwebs and rub one out to it before wifey gets home from Weight Watchers.

I was very pleasantly surprised to find that all of the copies of Brokeback were rented out. I almost ran to Wal-Mart to see if 50 Cent’s record was sold out too. This must be the first sign of the apocalypse: Granitians abandon their bigotry and embrace diversity. What’s next? Naked Lunch is required reading at GCHS? Happy hour at the union hall with your favorite Liberace tunes? Welcome to the 21st century Granite City.

Yesterday we had a wicked ass storm blow through the area so we were without power for about six or seven hours. We were actually standing in the driveway getting ready to leave when the thing started. I’ve never been in a tornado but I’ve heard the sound of one described as being like an approaching train. This is what we heard as we were getting in the car. It scared the living piss out of me. I’ve never heard anything so intimidating. We jumped out of the car and got in the house just in time to watch everyone’s trash cans flying down the alley. The power went out about five minutes later.

After about five hours of unbearable boredom I decided to take advantage of the pitch black by playing around with my camera. I found that setting the exposure time to about fifteen seconds can yield hours of narcissistic fun. Here’s a sampling of my brilliance.

These are not Photoshopped.

This next one isn’t Photoshopped either. That text actually appeared in the dark. Bizarre—I know.

You don’t have to thank me. This artistic brilliance just pours outta me.

Those first two we done by setting the exposure really long and then acting like a complete douche in the pitch black and then shining a flashlight on myself for a split second. I’ve found that this really helps me consolidate the massive collection pictures I have of myself by allowing me to be in one picture many, many times. Brilliant!

When I dumped the camera I found some pictures we had taken at The Magic House. This one is me teaching Riley how to be a Rock-n-Roll god just like dear old dad.

Today is my wife’s 29th birthday. This is the real 29th birthday and not the one she’ll say she’s having for years to come. Tonight I took her and Riley to her favorite Tex Mex restaurant, Chevy’s. Great idea. Nothing says “I Love You” quite like an evening of crippling diarrhea. She gets the two dollar margarita and I get the two hours on the can. Nice! Happy Birthday sweetie.

Angel and I just watched Hustle and Flow. Great fucking movie! At our last band practice Dino said that he and Gina had just watched it. He thought it was OK. He said he thought Terrence Howard was really good but the movie was just OK.

As soon as Angel pressed play on the movie tonight I said “Dino thought this movie was just ‘OK’ so we’ll think it’s awesome”. I was right. I’ve learned over the last eight years I’ve know Dino that there are certain things that Dino can be trusted on. Movies aren’t one of them. If you want someone to compare old R&B albums – Dino is your man. If you want someone to compare D’Angelo’s rhythm section to James Brown’s rhythm section – Dino is your man. If you want someone to cook you a traditional Sicilian pasta dish – Dino is your man. If you want someone to sing the praises of ?uestlove – Dino is your man. If you want someone to be your friend through thick and thin – small gigs and big gigs – shit songs and great songs – Dino is your man. But if you want to know whether or not to see a particular move – Dino is definitely NOT your man.

Hustle and Flow is a must see movie. The scene where they decide that they need a better vocal mic than an SM-58 is very near and dear to my heart. Go rent this movie!

Last night’s show went extremely well. It’s rare for me to feel as good about a show as I did about last night’s show. We played really well and the crowd was great. We’ve got a bunch of video but it will take me a while to get it all together and get it edited. I’ll get it on here as soon as I can.

After the show a bunch of us went to Kristopher Curtis’ place. He’s got this totally bitchin’ loft right downtown St. Louis. He’s also got everything you need to make a party memorable when there are a bunch of musicians in attendance: a guitar, a bass, an organ, drums, percussion, and a virtually endless supply of Grey Goose vodka.

Kristopher is the proud owner of this wicked old Ludwig snare drum over which Dino wet his pants. Dino decided that he needed to overthrow Kristopher’s ownership of said drum. He proposed they haggle over it the old school way. Kristopher agreed. They would have to fight over it. I have the video. The video was extremely dark so I had to put this horrible effect on it just so you could tell what is going on. It’s still totally worth the download. Listen closely to the comments. Dino’s “Let’s get it on!” is the best. Followed by “Can we take all the sharp objects away from Dino? He’s dangerous ’cause he’ll cheat” and “Somebody’s gonna end up pregnant here”.

Click the picture to download.

3.39 MB

Here are a bunch of pictures from last night.

Dino, Kristopher, and Tammy just hours before Dino and Kristopher would become arch enemies.

Angel and I still haven’t quite figured out our new camera so we have countless pictures that look a lot like this.

…and this.

This is the front door of the club. That guitar neck is from the guitar I attempted to smash at The Drew Johnson Band’s CD release party.

Mike Gregory’s cock. (photo by Angel Johnson)

Nate and Dino. Dino carried that drum around with him the entire night.

See?

I’m not exactly sure what’s going on here but it appears that Todd is about to blow Gustave as a going away present.

More Dino and Nate.

John Dear making it look easy. (Angel’s in the background)

Christopher Gustave.

Kristopher Curtis is a master at delivering the most unforgettable photos.

Me singing the books of the Bible. This photo also features Tammy’s boobs.

Mike and me playing “More than Words”.

This is the view from Curtis’ apartment. I’m particularly proud of this picture.

The Formula Kid with Kristopher Curtis and Christopher Gustave.

This is Tammy pretending she likes Kristopher.

This next photo almost burned my eyes out when I was editing it. This is Kristopher doing some sort of Goatse pose.

Late in the evening Gustave asked me if he could play around with my camera. He is an amazing photographer. People pay lots of money for his photos. Of course I told him to take as many pictures as he wanted. The next few are his. Way cool.

Angel’s titties by Christopher Gustave.

I found some video of the band Kristopher Curtis and I used to play in called Koffterweid. I haven’t posted any video lately so I figured I could put this on here. I think this is the only live recording I have of this band. This was the era of my life where I thought I was Stevie Ray Vaughn. This is me trying to prove it.

Click the picture to download.

6.75 MB

This next one is sweet. Angel caught Riley singing in his room the other day. If you’ve never heard the “I like to move it move it” song this probably won’t be as funny but check it out anyway. I’d like to apologize for the state of his room when this was shot. He’s three…give us a break…he likes to move it move it…he likes to break it break it….he likes to mess things up mess things up.

Click the picture to download.

808 KB

I love hearing myself talk…especially hearing myself talk about me. I’m sure you do too. So here’s some more.

Get the mp3 blog here.

1.76 MB